A guide for parents

Reward chart ideas for good behaviour (ages 4 to 12)

A reward chart works best when it notices the small, everyday things your children get right. Here’s what to reward at each age, rewards that don’t cost a thing, and how to make a star chart that keeps working after the first week.

Start with the everyday things

Most of the time, you just want to say “well done” for good behaviour. These eight cover most days:

  • Good listening
  • Being kind
  • Helping out
  • Tried their best
  • Good manners
  • Sharing
  • Tidying up
  • Being brave

Give a star when you catch them doing one of these, and say exactly what it was for: “That’s a star for sharing the Lego with your sister.”

Reward chart ideas by age

Ages 4 to 6

Keep it simple and concrete: one or two things at a time, and a star straight away so they can see what it was for.

  • Brushed teeth without a fuss
  • Got dressed by themselves
  • Put the toys away
  • Tried a new food
  • Said please and thank you
  • Brave at the doctor or dentist
  • Stayed in their own bed
  • Shared with a brother or sister

Ages 7 to 9

They can handle a routine now, so reward the everyday habits that make school days easier, and the effort behind them.

  • Did their homework
  • Read for 20 minutes
  • Packed their own school bag
  • Ate all their lunch
  • Helped set the table
  • Went to training in the rain
  • Practised their instrument
  • Was kind when someone was left out

Ages 10 to 12

Shift towards independence and responsibility: things they did without being asked, and new things they managed on their own.

  • Walked to school on their own
  • Made their own breakfast
  • Kept track of their own homework
  • Did a chore without being reminded
  • Cooked a simple meal
  • Stayed calm when they were annoyed
  • Saved up for something
  • Minded a younger sibling for a bit

Ideas for Irish childhoods

Reward the things that make growing up in Ireland what it is, from the GAA pitch to the feis:

  • Used the cúpla focal at home
  • Danced at a feis
  • Went to hurling or camogie training
  • Learned a new tune on the tin whistle
  • Won a clean catch
  • Took part in a Tidy Towns clean-up
  • Went for a sea swim
  • Made a Brigid’s cross

How to make a reward chart that actually works

  1. Be specific. “Star for packing your gear bag” means far more to a child than “good boy” or “good girl”. When they know exactly what earned it, they’re more likely to do it again.
  2. Praise the effort, not only the result. Reward trying hard, practising, and keeping going when it was tricky, not just the goal, the full marks or the medal.
  3. Give the star straight away. The closer the star is to the moment, the stronger the link. A star at bedtime for something at breakfast is a lot weaker.
  4. Start small. For younger children, pick two or three things to focus on rather than twenty. Add more once those become habits.
  5. Let them help choose the rewards. Children work harder for rewards they picked. Agree the list together, and what each one costs in stars.
  6. Mix small and big rewards. Something they can get within two or three days keeps them going, and something bigger to save for teaches patience.
  7. Don’t take stars away. A star they earned stays earned. If you need a consequence for bad behaviour, keep it separate, so the chart stays something positive.
  8. Be consistent between parents. Agree what earns a star, so both parents (and grandparents) reward the same things.
  9. Fade it out as habits stick. Once brushing teeth happens without a fuss, stop rewarding it and move on to the next thing.

Reward ideas, including ones that don’t cost money

Free

  • Pick the dinner
  • An extra bedtime story
  • Stay up 15 minutes later
  • Choose the family film
  • A board game with a parent
  • Bake something together
  • A trip to the park or the beach

Small treats

  • A magazine or comic
  • A trip to the shop for a treat
  • Extra screen time at the weekend
  • A new pack of stickers or colouring pens

Worth saving for

  • A trip to the cinema
  • A new book
  • A day out somewhere special
  • A new football, hurley or sliotar

Price them so something small is always within reach, and a bigger reward is worth saving towards. Children are more motivated when they can see how close they are.

A star chart for the whole family, on your phone

Bopstars is a free star chart made in Ireland. Give a star in two taps, from the everyday stars above or over 400 ideas for Irish family life, or write your own. Your children see their stars add up, save for rewards you choose in their own rewards shop, and get stars for turning up to training and lessons from the family calendar. Both parents can give stars, and kid mode lets you hand over your phone safely.

Questions parents ask

What age is a reward chart for?

Reward charts work well from about age 4 up to around 12. Younger children need very simple charts with a reward soon after; older children enjoy saving up for bigger rewards and being rewarded for more independence.

How many stars should a reward cost?

Price small rewards so they can be reached in two or three days, and bigger ones over a couple of weeks. If a reward always feels out of reach, children lose interest; if everything is too easy, the stars stop meaning much.

Should you take stars away for bad behaviour?

It’s usually better not to. A star they earned stays earned, which keeps the chart positive. Deal with bad behaviour separately, with its own consequence.

Do reward charts work for older children?

Yes, if they grow with them. For 10 to 12 year olds, reward independence and responsibility, let them choose and save for bigger rewards, and give them more say in how it works.

Is a paper chart or an app better?

Both work. A paper chart on the fridge is simple for one child. An app like Bopstars suits busier families: both parents can give stars from their phones, each child sees their own stars and rewards, and nothing gets lost.